With this time of year many of us find ourselves either happily or unhappily surrounded by family. We are reminded that family is the most important thing, and that the holidays are nothing if you are not firmly ensconced around a gathering of parents, grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts and the myriad of their offspring. Even Scrooge was overcome by the possibility of loneliness in his future and raced to join his distant family for Christmas dinner.
This is a blog about Kant, and for the most part, that is what I will talk about today, but in a round about sort of way. I think that we theorists, philosophers and ethicists sometimes get very caught up in the logic or systematicity of an argument, and forget sometimes about the content of what we are saying. So today, after months of silence on Kantemplation, I'd like to talk about family, the holidays and Kantian ethics.
We are born into families without any sort of choice in the matter. Some of us are morally lucky and end up in loving and caring families, others not so much. We do not get to choose our parents, or siblings, or any of the other relations. They are for better or worse, thrust upon us. When we were little our universe consisted of this morally arbitrary band of people, but as we grow older, families expand by design and choice. Indeed, many people tend to distance themselves from their biological families to take refuge in close friends instead. This, I think is still an expanding of family.
Kant's main message to us all is to respect and help one another. It is that simple. We are forbidden from violating the rights of others, and we are morally blameworthy when we disrespect or (I'll say) hurt another. This hurt can take a variety of forms, from cynicism to snarkiness to just plain meanness. Any other 'hurt' that would be physical in nature would be a right's violation (external freedom). But this other kind of 'hurt', the hurt that so often comes to us as adults and children is morally blameworthy. Kant did not think that we could be lonely misanthropes never helping or coming into contact with anyone else. In fact, I fear he dreaded that, and it is a disservice to him that so many think him such a cold and unfeeling philosopher. Ethics, in its broadest sense, is about how to act rightly. We are to think through not only those actions that immediately affect another person, but other types of action too.
Thus it is at this time of year that when we are faced with the potential of being forced into a room with lots of people that you may or may not want to be with, that you should remember the spirit and content of Kant's writings on ethics. Be charitable, be kind, be patient and be respectful. These might be tall orders, and in some instances, perhaps not surrounding yourself with people who will fail to be charitable, kind, patient and respectful to you is also an equally right choice. As adults, we can choose who we would like to include in our families, and those people do not need to look like you, come from the same town, state or even country. True family are those people that look to support you and be champions of your cause, and unfortunately more often than not, the people to whom you are biologically connected do not necessarily fall into this category. If they do, then you are what Aquinas would call 'blessed'. If you are not, then take the higher road - take the road that Kant would advise. Despite this being the holiday season, you should always be charitable, kind and respectful. Even if that means opting out.
Now, for some of you reading this, you might think I am advocating never seeing your family, and maybe for some this is a good option. But opting out can be as simple as not responding to someone's goading or snide remarks. Opting out can also be ignoring rude and even hurtful comments by family. Because such things are not, in a sense, a matter of a violation of right, we are not entitled to respond in kind. Meeting a snarky comment with an additional snarky comment is not a 'hindrance to a hindrance' of freedom, it is just a further escalation of disrespect. So, when you find yourself sitting around the dining room table, going for a second slice of Christmas turkey or ham, and your sister-in-law makes some lovely remark about the size of your expanding waist, perhaps just smiling back is the best bet.
Ethics is not an easy area to study, as we are constantly faced with hard cases. However, I think that in reality, ethics is really the hardest to practice. We humans, as Kant knows well, are flawed in our make up. We are easy to be lead by our passions and we are really good at using the greatest gift we have, reason, to attempt to justify unethical actions in our own cause. The holidays are about family, but it they are about helping people, opening our hearts to people and acting in the most Kantian of ways towards people too.
So, whether you opt out in toto or whether you let your sister-in-law believe she has "won", it is up to you. For in relationships, of any kind, we know there are no real 'winners', only compromises, and we should use our gift of reason to be the best of possible people at this time of year.
Happy Holidays-
H
